Do I have to be a transman?

I find my self often struggling with being labeled as a transman. Don't get me wrong I'm very proud of who I am and how far I have come, but why can't I just be Justin? I often read other FTM blogs, and there was one particular blog that was giving advice on how to 'fit in' to society, he suggested to find all new friends who don't know your past. This whole blog was telling us to live in secret, 'cause once your friends know or if you choose to keep friends from the past they will never look at you the same. You'll never be looked at as just one of the guys, you'll always be the transman. I understood where the author of this blog was coming from, because before I 'came out' I actually thought about running away and creating a whole new life for myself. I just want to be a normal guy, but I'm not. You would think I would just get over it and accept that no one in my life see's me as simply Justin, instead they all see me as 'different'. Well I'm just not there yet, I'm not willing to cut anymore people out of my life, I kinda like my friends :) but I'm not 100% comfortable being labeled all the time.


It's ironic how most people try so hard to find what is unique about themselves, no one want's to be 'normal' many people strive for others to see how 'special' they are. That is until your viewed as different, then suddenly you find yourself searching for what is normal about yourself. Trying to fit in, as just another guy. Almost wanting to avoid the truth, striving to be viewed as normal.

The more I think about it, why would I want to be just Justin, nothing special or different about me, just a regular guy? Why would I want to hide? How could I not show off how strong I am for over coming adversity! I am so proud not only for myself but for the transgender community as a whole. With that said, that does not mean I'm suddenly over my issue with labels or being viewed as 'different'.

I want people to know, yes, but I don't quiet want EVERYONE to know (yet). I don't want to introduce myself as; "Hello my name is Justin, I'm a transman." lol I guess what I'm saying is the new people I meet in my life, I'd like them to know me as Justin, first. But that's not possible, because the minute I open my mouth and talk they know I'm different, my voice isn't exactly very masculine. I was recently told by a friend who just found out I was not a 'normal' guy, that they knew I was unique from the beginning. It was bitter sweet for me, I was happy that they decided to stay friends, yet upset they knew I was different all along. I feel foolish for thinking anyone in my life whether they know or not see's me as just one of the guys, so why do I get upset when I'm told I'm not? I know people at work view me as different, I hear them talk, I see the looks, but that doesn't stop me from trying to pretend they see me as just another male co-worker. Part of me just wants to tell them, then they wouldn't need to question or gossip. I actually think I'm going to invite a couple co workers to my facebook/blog. I know the looks and comments will still be there, but it will be different. If they choose to talk about me, so be it, I can deal with that. But I don't like to hear the 'she?' comments I don't care if they judge me for staying true to myself, that I am proud of.

I could go back and forth all day; on one hand I'm very proud, on the other I want to be seen as 'normal'. I know how people see me, I know I am indeed very unique to the people in my life, and I'm 100% ok with that, as long as you don't tell me I'm not like the other guys, lol. Knowing it and hearing it are still two different things for me. So do I ask you all to constantly tell me I'm different to help me get over it sooner rather than later? Or do I just let time pass and work on it within myself? Either way I a 100% confident I will get over this, fairly quickly. Just writing about it has helped a ton!

Thanks for all the support, and thanks for reading!! :)

What? I'm coming out... again!?!?

I never in a million years thought I would have a blog! I have always been a very personal/private person. I never talked about my life in much detail with my closest friends, why would I blog about it?? LOL Growing up I was very insecure about myself, I lived like no one should; ashamed of the person in the mirror. However over the last two and a half years I have really become to like, no, LOVE myself. :)

A few months ago I decided I would create a blog, mainly to keep my friends/family up to date with the new happenings in my life. Nothing real personal, just updates. Well things have changed, and I have decided to open this blog to the world and share not just the new adventures in my life, but the biggest journey of my life!

I am a transman. Yes I will finally admit it out loud, to the world even! I was in fact born legally, a female. And these blogs are my personal stories of my transition. This journey is not easy, yet it is SO rewarding. Everyday I look in the mirror I smile at that handsome guy lookin back at me :) I want to share my experience with anyone and everyone who is interested. Maybe other transmen, who are looking for someone to relate with; I understand that as I read tons of blogs when I first started my transition, it really helped me feel less alone. Or maybe this blog will reach people who don't know much if anything about transgenders, I would love to help people understand. Maybe this blog will only be read by my close friends and family after all, who knows? Even if that's the case I'm ok with that, because I have the best friends/supports I could ever imagine. :) I really do love all of you!

Now that I have the first blog out of the way, here's to much more from Sir Justin's Kingdom! I hope you all enjoy, learn, and show me some lovin every now and a again :) BTW: it was hard to limit my smiley faces, lol I'm just so happy to finally be this comfortable with myself and how far I've come. This blog alone, is a huge step for me, and it's incredibly exciting! :)